A Ransom Gone Amiss
Or why you should never ask for Virgins as part of Ransom
by Mistress Huette Aliza von und zu Ahrens and Mechthildberg
In the days of yore, Damon of the Lake that Flames and Mistral sur le Tarn were Baron and Baroness of the Angels. One day, they decided to attend the Heatherwine Anniversary Tourney. Unfortunately, while there, the nefarious Heatherwinos decided to kidnap our lovely Baroness and hold her for ransom. With a heavy heart Baron Damon brought the ransom note to the Angels Counsel and asked us what to do. The ransom note stated that we would never see our beloved Baroness again unless we gave them 50 pieces of gold, 50 yards of silk, 12 barrels of beer, 12 jugs of wine, 12 yoke of oxen, 12 linen shirts, 12 virgins and a tract of land.
While all of the men jumped up and shouted that we should declare war on Heatherwyne and wipe their shire from the face of the Known World, the ladies declared, after reading the ransom note, that we could, with ingenuity, meet their ransom, save our Baroness without spilling any blood and not spend much of our baronial purse. Although it took much persuasion to get the men down from their bloodlust, the ladies of Angels managed to prevail. We also sought and won our King's help in arbitrating this dispute at the next Coronation. On that Coronation day, during his final court, the King called forth the ladies of Angels and the Seneschal of Heatherwein, Phillip of Mead, who was holding the Baroness captive. The ladies of Angels brought forth for the King's inspection 50 pieces of gold (-covered chocolate coins)(which the King did declare met the ransom request), a spool with 50 yards of silk thread (which the King did declare met the ransom request), two six-packs of beer (which the King did declare met the ransom request), 12 small jugs filled with "whines" in them (i.e.: Why have you never made me Queen? You never take me anywhere. etc.)(which the King did declare met the ransom request), a book with 12 jokes of oxen carefully calligraphed therein (i.e.: Why did the ox cross the road? To get to the other side, etc.)(which the King did grudgingly declare met the ranson request), 12 linen shirts that would fit a Barbie doll (which the King did declare met the ransom request), 1 dozen eggs (which the King did declare were most virginal and did meet the ransom request), and a religious tract written by the "Rev. Edwin Land" (which the King did declare met the ransom request). After receiving all these items, the King did order Phillip of Mead to release our Baroness. When she was returned to our loving care, the King then did fine the Heatherwinos 12 barrels of beer for trying to foment disharmony and ill-will within the Kingdom. With a grudging grace, they did give up to the King their beer. After court was over, I went over to Phillip of Mead and told him that it was obvious that our King did not know how to recognize a virgin and that none of the eggs that he had been given were indeed virgins. Phillip looked at me and asked how could the eggs not be virgins. I told him that that was obvious as each and every egg had been laid.
Source: http://emporium.turnpike.net/Z/zen/SCA/AUNTIE/STVirgins.html
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